Katy Morin

How To Get Rid Of Negative Self-Talk

You’re in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. You’re doing something out of your comfort zone and you don’t want to do it. I’m not saying that the consequences aren’t worth it, but it’s just not natural. A person with social anxiety struggles with this concept because he or she doesn’t know whether to trust another person, remember their fear is exaggerated and most importantly: they always feel like they’ll be rejected so why try at all?

The most important question we need to answer here is: how can someone who has these struggles stop feeling this way? One thing is for sure: One must learn self-talk and stop relying on negative self-speech when approaching an experience that they fear. These are just the tips that I’ve gathered using my experience in public speaking. You can use these on how to get rid of negative self-talk in general which will apply to all situations you find yourself in even outside of the fear.

1. Start By Identifying Your Internal Dialogue
The first step in the equation of how to get rid of negative self-talk is identifying it. This can be difficult for people because they are not aware of it. The next time you are in a situation make an effort to pay attention to your thoughts. Are you constantly motivated towards the positive or are you constantly down on yourself? I believe that introspection is key when learning that step.

2. Stop Thinking About the Consequences of Failure
In this case, if you have a speech scheduled at work and it’s been months since you last practiced it, don’t be lazy and think that just because you’re nervous your speech won’t be good enough. Remember that anxiety is common in social situations even though we don’t wish for it to be so. What you should do instead is to remember that this is a common reaction and many of us feel this way, but we do it anyway.

3. Stop Stressing About the Consequences of Success If It’s Your Personal Goal to Raise Your Self-esteem
It might have been your goal to speak in front of people before, but now that you’ve reached that goal, don’t stress about it because all the problems are already solved. Try not to think that if you succeed then everyone will look down on you because nothing could ever be further from the truth.

4. Always Remember Your Fears Are Exaggerated
Just because you’re nervous about a situation doesn’t mean you won’t succeed. Instead of letting your fear take over, remind yourself that the experience is worth the risk. In this case, for example, if you have a speech scheduled at work and you feel nervous, don’t let fear take over, because it’s just plain wrong.

5. Reinforce That You’re Going to Feel Better After the Situation Is Over
A way to do that is to imagine yourself being calm after the experience is over. It’s easier said than done I know, but imagine that you have finally succeeded and after all these years of effort, it was worth it all along. That would feel great, wouldn’t it?

6. Tell Yourself That You Can Do It
This is a simple one, but it’s very effective. The reason why this works is because you’re the only person who can help yourself to overcome your fears. This can be done by telling yourself that you’re ready to do whatever you need to do to be successful in the situation that makes you nervous. Don’t let your mind contradict that by telling you that you don’t have it in you and that only anxious people succeed in such situations. If you do this, you’ll feel better and most importantly: you’ll be able to do it.

7. Spend More Time Thinking About Good and Positive Experiences and Stop Thinking About Bad and Negative Experiences
This will help you overcome negative self-talk. Think about something positive like a hobby or anything out of the ordinary to make yourself stronger and less vulnerable to the effects of anxiety.

8. Avoid Believing Your Thoughts
I know this one sounds like an impossible task, but it’s not. It’s very simple. Instead of letting your thoughts tell you what other people think about you, which is usually negative, think about the things that other people like or like you for instead. Make yourself proud to be different and enjoy the things that others hate about you.

9. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Let’s face it. Many of us take things personally and that can really affect our self-esteem. Instead of taking things personally, just remember that a person who seems to dislike you isn’t someone who you should care about at all. Besides, he or she might have a bad day and if you don’t know, maybe it’s time to find out before the situation gets worse.

10. Remind Yourself That Everyone Feels Shy
There are people who are nervous about public speaking but they’re not ashamed to admit it, because they know that everyone feels this way. Try to approach the difficult situation with a realistic attitude and think about the other person’s feelings instead of thinking about other people’s opinions or feelings.

11. Use Positive Self-Talk
Regular self-talk can be very effective when it comes to overcoming negative self-talk. It helps you think and behave in a way that will lead to a more positive life. If you choose to do this, try to prescribe yourself positive things that you can say about yourself. “I can overcome my fear no problem” or “I can do it” could work great.

12. Let Go Of The Past
In any situation where you’ve been nervous in the past, remind yourself that those times are over. Don’t try to live in the past but focus on what you can do now. Besides, it’s much easier to overcome fear if you don’t worry about it as much as possible.

13. Remind Yourself That You’re Not Alone
There are people out there who feel exactly like you and after all, you’re not the only one who feels nervous about speaking in public there’s at least one other person who might feel like you do.

14. Reinforce That You Have The Choice To Pick Your Thoughts
Our minds are here to help us focus on what’s happening around us, but when we’re in uncomfortable situations our mind has the choice to pick our thoughts and will use them in the not-so-good way. Instead of getting mad at yourself or feeling guilty because you can’t control your thoughts, remind yourself that you have the choice to pick your thoughts and do whatever it takes to get rid of their negative effects.

15. Visualize Yourself Doing What You Want To Accomplish
There’s nothing like putting yourself in situations where you’re supposed to act in order to give yourself strength. Visualize yourself doing the things that you want to accomplish and feel proud about it.

16. Believe That You Can Do It
This is probably the most important one. It’s very important because if you believe your negative thoughts, the experience will become worse. Believe that you can do it and never think that you’re not capable of success.

17. Remember That Your Thoughts Aren’t The Truth
There’s a big difference between thinking something and believing it. It’s important to know the difference because if you think that something is true, then it will be true, but if you believe that something isn’t true, then it won’t be true either. What you see as true is up to your interpretation and by controlling your thoughts, you can make your life better one way or another. It all starts with a thought and not a fact so if you don’t like what you think you can change them at any time.

18. Don’t Think About The Worst-Case Scenario
The worst-case scenario is something that people usually think about when they’re preparing themselves for a difficult moment or experience, but it’s better if they don’t think about it. It will make them less likely to actually let this thought affect their behavior because it can cause them to try and escape the situation when in reality they shouldn’t. Instead of thinking about what could happen when you’re in front of people, think about how you’re going to follow through with whatever it is that you’ve planned out for yourself and attempt not to think about the worst-case scenario.

19. Change Your Thoughts
If you notice that you cannot stop thinking about the worst-case scenario, you should change your thoughts by reading something or watching a funny video. You have to change your thoughts in order to release the fear since it’s coming from inside of your head.

20. Think About The Benefits Of Doing It And Don’t Focus On How Scary It Is
If you feel like you need to remind yourself of the benefits of doing something that’s considered scary, then do it. If you’re not sure what these benefits are, then ask yourself what kind of things might happen if you don’t do the thing that’s considered scary and figure out what kind of a change would happen in your life. It will help you to feel motivated enough to get rid of your fear and try it out for real.

In conclusion, negative self-talk can be your worst enemy when you want to make the choice to go out and conquer your fears. Recommending yourself positive positive statements can help you out because if you’re always telling yourself that it’s okay to be scared, then that’s exactly what will happen, but it will also help you feel better about the experience that is happening.

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